Category: Comment

I often follow the external links from Zeldman‘s site, sometimes for the CSS / standards related sites, but mostly just for a new journal (or blog) site for a bit of casual coffee break reading.

However, I find myself wishing there was some way that these sites could be filtered for Apple fanboys and girls. Every sickly, sugary post I happen across praising an iMac or a frickin iPod is so unbelievable nauseating that I’m clicking the killer × as fast as my Microsoft^tm Intellimouse^® can carry the pointer.

If someone could explain the deal with Mac’s to me then I’d be eternally grateful. I mean, what is it? Some kind of cult? Do you have to hand over your firstborn if you don’t become an Apple whore the second you start using an item of their usually over-designed consumer electronics?

On the other hand, if none of you MacWhores can explain it to me – I could provide a handy exorcism session free of charge. Just read the following:

Apple did not pay you to own their hardware. Apple products are not cheap or free. Apple products are expensive – they are not some wonderful gift to yourself that should be a pleasure to spend the cash on. Apple is not your friend. They don’t know you. They do not give a shit if you mention the company, link-back to them with every blog post, nor do they give a rats ass whether you’re using your iBook whilst bungee jumping or not. As long as you buy their stuff, that’s good enough for them.

Further to that – YOU have paid them for their product. That’s all you need to do – nothing more – just use the thing and STFU about it.

And most importantly…

There is very little or no chance that Steve Jobs himself will turn up at your door, thank you kindly for all the free plugs you’ve been giving his company and bestow upon you the gift of new Apple products for life.

Fliss posed this question this afternoon. It’s a reflection on her level of curiosity that she was asking a question loaded with comedy value without actually trying to be funny.

I’ve had a think about it and it is an interesting thing to ponder.

Do hard core dog walkers all over the world now say “okay, Rover – lets go find a corpse!” rather than the Barbra Woodhouse 80’s favourite “Walkies!”?

For your average domestic canine with a fading hunter/killer instinct it’s probably a bit of a shock to discover a shallow grave when you were just having a curious sniff. I mean, there you are – taking in the scents of any number of fellow dogs who may have padded the same route over the last few days. Then wham! it hits you in the nostrils like a well swung spade.

“Wuph me… I smell dead human…”

For the dog owner it means a thirty second tv interview where they try to hide the relief that the corpse isn’t anyone they know. But for Rover, it’s like being a war veteran.

You weren’t there, man, you couldn’t smell the death, man.

But Rover is the one forgotten as policemen in white rompa-suits come and go from murder scene tents in the background. Sure, when you sniff out a kid down a well or discover a hidden drugs haul, you’re the dog with your name on the cover of the local news paper. You’re the dog who gets the community award of a nice new collar or basket – and just maybe you’re made an honourary police dog by the local constabulary.

But sniff out a dead body and you get none of that shit. You just make everybody around you sombre and miserable until the mental scars teach you not to goddam dare sniff that recently disturbed earth by the side of the path on any walk you’ll ever have again.

So dog owners, next time you’re out for a walk with your canine companion take a moment to think about it… would the isolated route you frequent be an ideal place to hide the evidence of an horrific crime?

Congratulations to my sister Hazel and her boyfriend Ian, who got engaged this weekend. Who’d have thought that my little sister would beat me to it?

Not me, anyway!

I’ll be waiting forever for Fliss to pop the question… ;o)